Big Time Small Town

Sometimes it sucks to be Transient in Nature
I realized something about myself very recently that I never would have suspected. I really don't want to be tied down...ever...by anything. It is always the lot of women to be homemakers and all of that shit, but I don't want that at all. I don't even want to be tied down by a job/routine or anything. I have a completely counterproductive fear of succumbing to the drudgery of a regular life. Maybe that's why I am such a slacker and never do anything to improve my station. That would be nice, but I'm probably just a slacker.
Going to Jane's baby shower really put this into perspective. Maybe this will change. Maybe it's just the residual influence of the beat writers combined with the transient lifestyle of my mom (and maybe the fact that my dad is so unbelievably stable and so despairingly bored).
Well, anyway, such and such, etc., etc.
All I know is, Tim, you put me to shame. Really, I feel such shame. goodnaturedly, of course.

Current Mood: blank
Current Music: The Flaming Lips

finishing stuff
I finally, as of tonight, finished the painting I've been working on for about five months or so. this is really only the second painting I've ever been able to say that I'm done with. even if it's not completely finished, I feel as if I've come to a good stopping point. but let's see how I feel in the morning, when I'm not a little drunk.
Well, going to bed. happy St. Patrick's Day.

Current Mood: content

pissed
this pricky lj has now forced me to have a completely unrememberable password, which I never selected. I don't know what was wrong with my easy password. I could remember it. no one is going to break into it, and if they do it is only my friends and what do I care? I'm pissed b/c I will never remember this stupid new password. ahhhh.
just saw Brokeback Moutain. I must say, I was challenged, and felt very homophobic. But, it was an authentic movie, for whatever that's worth (which I think is more than most).
chillin'. my favorite activity.

wowee zowee!
k, well, I'm in D.C. in a hotel on capital hill. certainly I didn't expect to be here, but I'm not paying for it, so why not jump on the the bed with excitment over how unpredictable life can be.
This place is swank, too. no shabby motel. I was going to go all out and order the swordfish, but the damn restaurant is undergoing renovations, so no room service. damn, blast, damn. so no wine, either. aww.
tomorrow I have a little bit of time so I'm going to do some sightseeing. I think I'll get up a eight o'clock. hey, I can sleep on the train tomorrow.
hopefully, I'll be home tomorrow night. what a crazy day. well, I'm starved, so bye.

Current Mood: really happy
Current Music: "big hits of the 60's and 70's"

ya know, we were kids once, too
k, so I went naked swimming. (naked getaway) and it was quite fun. I can't dog it. fun, fun, fun. goodnight. very tired, am I. love, me.

I've decided to quit my job at the end of summer. It is so surreal because I've been at this job longer than any other job I've had, and the people are close to my heart, well, most of them, anyway. It's time though. I can feel it, and I've been praying about what to do with my fizzling life. how ironic, I'm opting for unemployment, carlessness, and living with my parents. I've got a good feeling. Ha. but actually I do, weirdly I'll be able to focus all of my attention on school (16 credits. not bad) and maybe get something better than a B minus.
still, it feels odd to consider quiting my job. Maybe that is a good time to do so. I think I am too comfortable. and I'll live off of my savings. what else is savings good for other than to free you from the oppression of retail employment.

Current Mood: chill
Current Music: "Baby C'mon" I love this song

and they say girls read between the lines
it just occurred to me that I've been blind, completely blind, and well, deaf. How could I be so self-involved? anyway, I'm aching with misery.

Current Mood: lonely
Current Music: a mix

the best t-shirt ever
I just took off my Jicks t-shirt. I have been wearing it for three days. I know. That seems gross, but its not like I didn't bathe, I just didn't change my top. I couldn't help it. It's the greatest shirt ever, and it fits me so exceptionally. oh, if only I had a camera phone, but as most of you have already seen it anyway. . .
gotta go.
okay. I'm putting it back on. psych.
no really, I am.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: none. family guy

Face the Truth, (fill in witty pun here)
i just bought the new Malkmus album. I'm listening to it right now (for the second time in a row. hey, I'm going to the concert tomorrow and I JUST bought it)but my stupid discman thing needs new batteries and the sound keeps going out in one ear. it's amazing what a difference that makes.
Anyway, this new album, I must say, it quite good. I wasn't sure what to expect but I already like it much better than piglib. well, I like everything except the first song. It is scareing me. Maybe I'll dig it later. I like the song "mama" a lot.
Just got back from hanging out with my mom for about a week, a little less. She drove up from Florida. We went to Saugatuck for a couple of days because I wanted to look at art. I told my dad and he said "oh Saugatuck. That's a gay town, isn't it?" I felt like saying, yes dad, they do it in alleys all the time, but rather I just said, well, a lot of artists live their. and he said, Yah!, like all artists are homosexuals. My dad is really homophobic.
today my moms scotish man-friend flew up from florida. This was the first time I met him. He seems really great, compared to the other hick guys my mom is usually attracked to. When we passed Saint Cecilias downtown, he started singing "Cecilia" by Simon and Garfunkel, so he has my respect, and he has a cool accent.
Well, I think I may go start that painting I've been meaning to start for some time now.

semester over!
I can not believe I have free wireless internet at my house. How cool is it to steal someone elses internet access? Way cool.

Anyways, I just finished writing my final paper for "history of the english language." It was about the eighteenth century's obsession with "fixing" the language. You don't care. neither do I but I've been thinking about so much that I just had to say.

Oh, I'm so glad I don't have to think about school for an entire summer. and shortly we'll be off to see Stephen and Spoon.

Well, I gotta go crash. Good morning.

Current Music: the ringing in my ears

my suitemate.
Finally I got to talk to my suite-mate. I haven't really sat down and talked with her in at least a week and a half, maybe two. In the meantime, I'm wondering why she's always on the phone. Not that she'd want me to post this, but she'll never know. She has a sweetheart, but being a jock, she never wants to admit it. The fact that she's even considering this lad is totally serious. Silly.
Anyway, I've been feeling so terribly disconnected from her, and she is my heart, in an entirely sisterly way. I'm glad we got the chance to talk. girl talk is really under valued.
so that's it. aww.
goodnight,friends.
I wish I was a trancendentalist from the 19th century. but no matter.
love you all.

Current Mood: as happy as ever
Current Music: Stephen, obviously

I'm going to marry harry potter
I'm glad I'm not a hippy. I just watched this great movie called "Psych-Out". the ending scene made it all worthwhile. ahha. dancing hippies in multi-colored wigs. haha.
anyway,I've been drawing and it is so tight. I forgot how much I liked doing it. so far, I've drawn an actually like portrait of Jane (unlike all the sucky drunk ones), and now I'm working on one of my mom. "sure is satisfyin'"

Current Music: the simpsons-the england vacation episode

very happy. very, very happy. because of you Mr. Malkmus.
ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod. I am seriously having a terrible caffeine-induced spasm right now. I'm so excited. so, very excited. Malkmus is going to play at St. Andrews Hall in June. I'm so happy. For those of you who were with me the last time, I am not getting lost again. um,um,um, YAY!

also, on a less spastic but equally enthousiastic note, I love the Grand Rapids Public library downtown. there is no better place, no better. not even schuler's.

okay, I'm going to go freak out somewhere else.

Current Mood: giddy
Current Music: blur

um, irrationally angry at the pope, or should I say "poop"
I hate the pope. The pope is the most useless figurehead in history. sorry if anyone is catholic, but I hate that bastard. why? because I'm tired of reading shit in my history class by popes who don't even give a fuck about God and just want power. yes, i am ranting about homework. socialism vs. capitalism. marx vs. the pope. fuck the pope. fuck capitalism. I don't know what's happening to me. pretty soon I will explode from conflicting opinions.

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: low

wow, lj is boring today. pardon to all those on my friends list (except Evan, your pictures were cute), but I did not chuckle once. and that is the purpose of my life.kidding, kidding.
I'm restless because I've been all aesthetically inspired and now I have to do homework, but I want to do something fun like paint. why is school becoming so intense all of the sudden? all I do is homework. and you know what, homework sucks a lot.
I think I'm going to go dance a little before I start it.
hey, even my journal is boring today.

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: ben fold's 5- underground (hand me my nose ring!)

cake, with lots of frosting
you know what, I like cake. a lot. everytime they offer cake for dessert in the cafeteria I always take it. I especially like frosting. mmmmmm. frosting is so good.
I read that maria antoinette never did actually say "let them eat cake". that is a fallacy. just like "rhythm, you have it or you don't" haha.
anyway. why do I post about these arbitrary things? who knows. but I have to go do some work on this paper which is due on thursday about wordsworth and blake. it should be interesting. I have always appreciated the romantics. they make so much more sense than those bloody neoclassicists.

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: miles davis

anyway, I went to eighties night. It was pretty fun, I guess. I danced a lot. that was fun, I guess. where were you amb? anyway, goodnight.
hey, does everybody know that "goodbye" is an old english truncation of "god be with you?"
well it is. fact of the night. Love, love, Love, Amanda

Current Mood: tired
Current Music: the coworker mix

pleasant surprises
tonight I had all of these plans, but through circumstancial prevention, none of them worked out. instead, I spent a little time getting to know one of the girls on my floor, who is actually a very promising young 19 year old. It's so easy to stereotype people, especially when you go to a small, division three christian college, but sometimes people surprise you, and turn out to budding film makers/feminists who love especially dark chocolate.
being incredibly old (22)amoung so many youngters can be frustrating and a bit shameful, but I'm glad I got to live here, only for a year, though.

yay, for "freedom pudding!" haha. why are they rerunning this so soon? even new SNL, sometimes, doesn't suck.

hey, did you know "Eastwood, Clint" is actually in the Oxford American Dictionary? how crazy is that? I hope "Depp, Johnny" will be in there someday.

Current Mood: enlightened

dreadful paper-writing
I'm really doing a great job avoiding my homework. I have this Ramon Gutierrez paper to write that has been due for two days, but I just dread starting to work on it. I'm going to have to reread the handout, which is going to suck, because it's about 14 pages front and back and the font is, I sware, less than 10. ahhhhhh, why? why? why?
sometimes I hate school.
okay, I'm going to try and get started.

Current Mood: listless

blah
I feel shitty. shooty. ha. I'm sad, but I don't want to talk about it. does anyone know if Constantine is playing yet? I suppose I could check to the movie times, but. . .nah. That movie looks interesting.
thinking about going to a concert next friday at kraftbrau, that is, Amber, if you're still down.
I think i might go out tonight and get ridiculously drunk, possibly, if I can find someone to drink with me. havn't done that in a while and I don't work tommorrow, so no consequences except for physical. yay, volunterily making myself ill!

Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: type slowly, pavement

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